Beyond 'Good' or 'Bad': The 3 Parental Reaction Blueprints

The Parenting Reframe

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-25:36

Beyond 'Good' or 'Bad': The 3 Parental Reaction Blueprints

Albiona M. Rakipi

Jun 18, 2025

Transcript

In this quick solo episode, I’m talking about a newsletter I wrote on Substack about reaction types. There are many different ways parents can react when their child becomes dysregulated, pushes against a boundary they have set, or throws a tantrum. Many of these reactions are rooted in the ways we were raised by our parents or the experiences we had as we grew up. Today, I’m going to talk about the three reaction types I encounter most frequently during my coaching with parents and working with families, and I'll also provide a bonus reaction type at the end of the episode.

1. Hyper-Reactor or the Punisher

The parent who will go from zero to 100 instantly and doesn’t have the tools to regulate themselves.
They feel discomfort because of their child’s reaction to something they don’t like.
This may be rooted in an association from their own childhood, where they didn’t feel safe expressing their own emotions.
Sometimes this can feel like the child is being disrespectful to the parent.

2. Panicked Parent

The parent who knows to control their big emotions around their child who is struggling but they are terribly uncomfortable with the situation.
This parent over explains the boundary or tries to justify the decision or offer other choices to make the situation better.
This isn’t perceived as a good thing by the dysregulated child, it just feels like more input and they cannot tolerate it.

3. The Adjustor

The parent who is an overthinker and is second guessing their boundaries all the time.
When they go to hold a boundary and their child pushes back against it, they make adjustments to their boundary to avoid or stop dysregulation.
This is a band aid approach to parenting because it doesn’t teach kids how to tolerate frustration.

Bonus Type: Avoidant Parent

The parent who doesn’t have a hard time staying calm, but struggles so much to set a boundary, and avoids it at all costs.
They are eggshell parenting and have crafted a perfect environment so their kids don’t have to experience any sort of hardship.
Avoidant parents shut down when their kids become dysregulated.